No, Business Week, Portland is NOT the most unhappy city in America.

Kari Chisholm FacebookTwitterWebsite

So, Business Week magazine has ranked Portland as the most unhappy city in America.

Basically, they pulled a few randomly-selected metrics, misinterpreted them, gave 'em a little stir, and "discovered" that Portlanders are really, secretly miserable.

What facts did they use to justify this claim? Well, we've got 222 cloudy days a year. (Or at least, we did in 2004.) We rank 24th out of 50 in crime. We're #4 in the nation in our divorce rate. We've got a 7.8% unemployment rate. And we're ranked #12 for suicide and #1 for depression.

But wait just a minute. Take a look at the fine print.

The depression rate is based on drug company data on antidepressant sales.

In other words, Portlanders may not be more depressed than anyone else - we've just got more people who are getting medical attention for their illness. Which probably means that they're less unhappy.

And that divorce rate? I suspect that has more to do with the fact that Oregon is the least-churchgoing state in the country. Staying in a loveless or abusive marriage (perhaps because of your religious beliefs) is surely a pathway to unhappiness - though Business Week's metrics imply that it's the other way around.

Let's talk about some other metrics.

Would any of this be possible if everyone here was miserable? I don't think so.

Of course, Portland is so green and creative and happy because our city was built on the site of an ancient unicorn burial ground.

(No, really. It's true. It really is. At least, if you're being interviewed by the New York Times. Then it's true. And everybody in Portland knows it. Really.)

So, are you happy?

Update: More about those unicorns in Portland.

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    Hat tip to my friends at the admissions office at Lewis & Clark College, who've helpfully compiled a bunch of Portland bests and mosts.

  • Jay (unverified)
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    Business Week meant to say that Portland is the city most unhappy with the rest of America.

  • Bill McDonald (unverified)
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    I wasn't happy with this story - I can tell you that.

  • William (unverified)
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    After living in a few different cities throughout my 37 years. I do feel Portland is one of the more unhappy cities. I am looking forward to leaving later in the year. I have met more uncultured, unclassy and argumentitive people in this city than almost any other. People want to debate about anything. Then talk to them a day later, theyve changed there mind. I am a fairly happy person, but I am not convinced Portland is a happy place.

  • The Libertarian Guy (unverified)
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    Try being a member of a minority group in this village and you won't be especially happy, or a student at an inner city school.

    If you're a developer you're probably real happy. Gotta hand it to Cityhall. They make the developers happy all day.

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    That is one of the weirdest stats I've seen yet. If we're all so damned depressed here, why is it that people are bent on moving here, especially young people. Oh, I suppose they're all emo young people and they move here to work on their pallor . . .

  • chocobot18 (unverified)
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    I can see why people think this place is unhappy. It literally is a young person's paradise. Being a minority in this city in one of the neglected parts can make life very unhappy.

  • Phil Philiben (unverified)
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    "Utne Reader ranked Portland as the #2 most enlightened city in the nation.

    Actually reading and kowing what' going on can be very depressing!

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    Kari, i think the survey was commissioned by the Multnomah County Republican Party. they are damn sure unhappy.

  • Admiral Naismith (unverified)
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    It could have been worse. They could have said we had the happiest city...and then people would keep coming here and coming here until the quality of life achieved equilibrium with, say, Toledo and Scranton and Omaha.

  • alcatross (unverified)
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    Phil Philiben says: 'Utne Reader ranked Portland as the #2 most enlightened city in the nation.'

    Likely the 2nd largest percentage of their 150,000 subscribers are from Portland. I'm sure Utne Reader's rankings were just as rigorously scientific as Business Week's...

  • Frank (unverified)
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    It's been such a slow news period for business publications lately. I guess they needed to run a filler story.

    ;-)

  • josh (unverified)
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    I didn't know that the path to happiness was being Green, "Enlightened", watching Indie films and listening to Indie music with a great beer in your hand. Almost 8% unemployment is a pretty unhappy stat. If I didn't have a job I'd be pretty unhappy. Overall I think the point is here that we should get a better handle on crime, stop divorcing our spouses every ten minutes and let businesses come to Portland to create jobs, and stop killing yourselves. Nothing we can do about the weather but hey, buy a damn umbrella!

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    If I recall, Nemo also found Portland to be a very unhappy place.

  • Jonathan Radmacher (unverified)
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    An awful lot of supposedly unhappy people great strangers on the street with a smile and a "hi."

  • Jim H (unverified)
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    Kari, you didn't really need to counter with anything other than:

    Portlanders drink better beer than most, too, with 23 microbreweries within city limits.
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    I think this is fantastic news. I hope this article is circulated everywhere.

    If folks from outside believe we're all miserable and depressed--and that it's contagious, perhaps they'll stop moving here in droves.

    Carla <--from the Tom McCall Legend School of Oregon.

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    Posted by: The Libertarian Guy | Mar 3, 2009 4:49:56 AM Try being a member of a minority group in this village and you won't be especially happy</blcokquote> Funny, one of my good friends who is a minority would disagree with that, vehemently. Actually quite a few of my friends come to think of it. We certainly still have work to do here, but compared to most places in the country, we are a lot better.
  • Zarathustra (unverified)
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    Well deconstructed! I looked at the title and thought, well, that's probably true, but it doesn't change the facts as Kari stated them so well. Personally, my great-grandmother and I once had a wonderful conversation about how happiness is worthless. It's a side-effect, doesn't influence much, and a sure waste of time to pursue directly. Sounds like some entrenched power interests afraid that our cognitive style might spread to the body politic.

    Josh, your attitude is why we want to kill ourselves.

    There is an open question in psychology whether depressed people exhibit greater reality testing, natively, which is why they are depressed, or if depression leads to less mania and hypothesis generation, which leads to better reality testing. My favorite study in the area was "Alloy, L. B., & Abramson, L. Y. ( 1979). "Judgment of contingency in depressed and nondepressed college students: Sadder but wiser?" They followed up the hypothesis in another study ("Affect and Managerial Performance: A Test of the Sadder-but-Wiser vs. Happier-and-Smarter Hypotheses"). For the purposes of this discussion, the take-home lesson from that one would be that there is no correlation between being a happy worker and being productive.

    I'd say, "Damned Straight!", on balance. While most the country is running after happiness, Portlanders are stoically doing the hard work necessary to save everyone's ass tomorrow. Sadder but wiser, indeed!

  • Michael M. (unverified)
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    These type of articles -- best city for this, worst city for that -- are always pure conjecture dressed up with pseudo-statistical analysis that inevitably prove Mark Twain correct: "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."

    But I gotta take exception at the most egregious lie: #1 for pedestrian friendliness? Are they kidding? In a city where one has to push a button to cross the street at the majority of signaled intersections? The bulk of Portland is stuck in 1970s auto-culture thinking when it comes to getting around this town on foot. I'm convinced Portland's bureaucratic planning treated pedestrians as an afterthought and was executed by people who's notion of walking around town was what you do between the parking lot and the store entrance. Try being a real person living car-free in this city and see how pedestrian friendly it is when you are attempting to carry home two bags of groceries, or juggle a cup of coffee and a briefcase, or an umbrella and anything else, and have to contend with the inevitably inconveniently misplaced signal trips. And of course, there are no garbage cans anywhere except downtown, not even at most bus stops, so you have to carry everything around with you until you arrive at your destination.

    I realize "walkability" doesn't necessarily equate with "pedestrian friendly," but the two are strongly correlated, and Portland is too low-density and sprawling to negotiate on foot, and Tri-Met can only go so far to knit it together (and will be going less far with the upcoming service cuts). The knee-jerk opposition in this town from both the left and right to any construction over three stories means it will stay that way outside the Pearl. There's a strong anti-urban streak here that pretty much keeps the east side, especially, a perpetual collection of suburbs that we call a "city."

    How happy am I? Well, today anyway, I really miss New York.

  • Marina (unverified)
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    I hate to agree with Business Week, but I see much truth in their statement. Portland is one of the most beautiful cities in the U.S. (and definitively one of the most enlightened, socially and politically) but ever since I moved here two years ago my "spark" seems to have slowly disappeared. I don't know what it is, maybe the weather, but I had never met so many depressed people in my life. I have lived in other states and other countries and had never experienced this. Maybe I am must getting older...

  • Garage Wine (unverified)
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    An awful lot of supposedly unhappy people great strangers on the street with a smile and a "hi."

    Do you mean people are trying to get you to give money to Save the Children?

  • Mrs.Todd (unverified)
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    And with Measure 57 passed the crime rate will be going down as well! :)

  • Jay (unverified)
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    Cancel your subscription to BusinessWeek, Grasshopper -- And you will find true happiness.

  • josh (unverified)
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    Zarathustra, what exactly about my comment makes you want to pull the trigger?

  • Phil Philiben (unverified)
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    alcatross

    Did you read the post? The Utne Reader quote is from the post - the article above. And please forgive me for being snarky and scarcastic - lighten up!

  • Zarathustra (unverified)
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    Posted by: josh | Mar 3, 2009 10:51:46 AM

    Zarathustra, what exactly about my comment makes you want to pull the trigger?

    I should have stated it in the passive. If your description of getting real is the way the world is, it makes me wish I wasn't a part of it. If I could be convinced that going against the values that you ridicule and pursuing the pedantic marketer driven schmaltz that you consider important is "what Portland needs", then I would very much want to not be a part of that world.

    At the end of the day, a lot of what makes an area compatible is common vision, to an extent, and, if you don't share it, you'll not likely be happy. For those, I say that William is right. I've done it before myself. Don't let the door slap you on the way out.

    Of course we'll not cop to endemic West Coast superficiality!

  • Aaron V. (unverified)
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    Portland has a passive-depressive populace - it's extremely hard to get people to do things, even simple things, in this city.

    Portland is not a friendly city, but not in the openly hostile East Coast manner, the dismissive shallow SoCal manner. It's more of the attitude of Southerners who don't want anything to do with you, but are polite on the outside.

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    Michael M, Pdx has its problems regarding pedestrians/autos, but you don't have to visit many other cities to realize how good we have it. in just the past year: Seattle, NYC, WashDC, Baltimore: not even close. (ok, Seattle is close.) we are a pedestrian's paradise for a city of this size. the places you can't walk safely or happily, i doubt you'd really want to (SE 82nd?)

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    Aaron V., I agree with your comment with an exception for the East Coast comment. They aren't hostile, just really fast and protective of their personal space. :)

    And for the people that mentioned the race factor, it does make Portland a little less nice. No one is mean, per se, just a bit interesting...

  • joel dan walls (unverified)
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    Garage Wine copied someone else's post:

    "An awful lot of supposedly unhappy people great strangers on the street with a smile and a 'hi.'"

    and then replied as follows:

    Do you mean people are trying to get you to give money to Save the Children?

    As for depression, hey, the weather has a huge amount to do with this. Seasonal Affective Disorder is a real thing; I know from personal experience. With spring coming on, my mood is brightening a lot.

    Uh, Mr. Wine, you got confused: this is Blue Oregon, not bojack.org, where you usually post. More appreciative audience over there for this comment, no doubt.

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    How about the "mossiest" city? Did we win that one? Sounds better than "moldiest" somehow...

    I still remember what struck me most about PDX when I moved here a decade ago: (1) people walked everywhere, (2) they smiled when they did it. And these made ME happy. If you see people frowning everywhere you look, you're probably looking into a mirror no matter where you live.

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    "In a city where one has to push a button to cross the street at the majority of signaled intersections?"

    IIRC, Oregon has virtual crosswalks on every street without a signal. So for every intersection where you have to stand there by the button, there are many more where you just step out into the street--not even strictly speaking where the crosswalk would ordinarily go...and cars HAVE to stop.

  • mp97303 (unverified)
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    I think the weather has a significant impact on peoples moods. I spent my first 35 yrs in Oregon, then 4 1/2 in Phoenix and now back in Oregon. Even though Oregon is vastly superior to Arizona in untold numbers of ways, I am feeling the blues again. Never happened in AZ, but they are back. The only different factor is that I wake up to grey cloudy skies here and woke up to bright blue skies there.

  • Jeff (unverified)
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    I completely agree with the Business Week article. I moved here a year ago from a major city on the East Coast. I had a fantastic job there and people in Portland won't seem to give me the time of day because I'm young. It's impossible to make friends here, the people are pleasant at first but when you get to know them they are unhappy, rude, and unmotivated. This city has some severe problems, high unemployment, low wages, and down right rude attitude toward anyone that is not from here. I cannot wait until I have the chance to leave this city and I will no recommend that anyone move here.

  • mp97303 (unverified)
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    Joel Dan Walls

    I must of missed the press release announcing you as Blue Oregon's official comment Sheriff.

  • Susan Shawn (unverified)
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    I'm with Carla. Let's spread the word. I moved here in 1968 from NYC, and was told that this was a place where people tended to kill themselves with alarming frequency, due to the grey skies. I personally love the rain, ferns, moss, and green, so I'm good, but some folks simply cannot take the lack of sunshine. People's bodies need different things to thrive chemically, and by that I mean Vitamin D and such from sun and soil. Rocky Mountain High is a reality. So, we all need to find "home"; that will be different for different people at different times in their lives. I try to respect that level of diversity. Personally I could do with less density and careless development. I do not miss NY. Metro's Integrating Habitat designs, if implemented, might help with all of the above.

  • J Loewen (unverified)
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    Or perhaps the reason that PDX gets the most anti depressants is too many MD's over influenced by Drug companies?

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    Hold the door open as you leave for the two people replacing you, Jeff!

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    "I think that all right-thinking people in this city are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this city with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not! And I'm sick and tired of being told that I am!" - Graham Chapman (paraphrased)
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    Posted by: William | Mar 3, 2009 1:13:01 AM I am looking forward to leaving later in the year.

    Perhaps the city and you might be in consensus.

  • Kija (unverified)
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    I also recall some recent editorial in the Portland Tribune alleging that Portlanders were too content and didn't have enough complaints in some city satisfaction survey ...

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    This is one of those idiotic articles that you can put into context with just a comparison or two. Like the fact that Detroit's median house price is $7500<>. That's unhappy. But we're so misssssssssserable here in Portland because it rains. Pinheads.

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    Sorry about the bungled link.

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    For all the folks that say they don't like it here and want to leave, what's stopping you? Nothing? Well just leave already and make another city miserable.

  • LAME DAY (unverified)
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    This might have to go down as the slowest news day in BO history?

  • joel dan walls (unverified)
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    mp97303 sez: I must of missed the press release announcing you as Blue Oregon's official comment Sheriff.

    You must have missed the grammar lesson about how to use "must have".

  • mp97303 (unverified)
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    must of

  • alcatross (unverified)
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    mp97303, Joel is also our official grammarian...

  • rfjason (unverified)
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    Nope, sorry. I've visited Portland. By the end of the day, I was praying for death, too.

    <hr/>

    Portland. Because you can't move to Hell.

  • Gil Johnson (unverified)
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    All those breweries in town. Alcohol is a major depressant, so this ranking is understandable.

    For example, it's depressing that at the rate I drink beer, I probably will never drink every kind of beer made in Portland.

    Also factor in the thousands of highly educated twentysomethings who have moved here because it's reputed to be such a great town but after going a year without any kind of work, not even at a coffee house, are totally bummed about sharing a house with five other miserably unemployed people and barely scraping up enough for a pint of PBR.

    BizWeak seems to be following in the slug trail of Money magazine, which always ranked Portland way down the list of best cities. Seems like our fair city is an unhappy place for greedheads.

  • arnold (unverified)
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    BusinessWeek produces rankings like every other week, because I guess it's cheap for their editors to judge things. The NPI Advocate compiled a partial list of some of the many rankings that BusinessWeek has put out over the last year or so... scroll down to read it.

  • TR (unverified)
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    You can also mention that Men's Health Magazine in their March 2007 issue listed Portland as #1 on their list of "The 50 Best Places to Live." Business Week is a conservative rag that hates this city for it's liberal politics.

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    Seriously. Does no one have any comment about the unicorn thing?

  • Chih-Fu Kuo (unverified)
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    I am from Taiwan, but I spent the last 9 years in Portland, OR. Let me tell u what.. visited most of major cities in US, Portland is no doubt the BEST city ever! How could people rate "happy" based on some figures? Boy..that's way so wrong~

    Marylhurst University graduated in 2005 :D

  • Ted (unverified)
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    This is a fun topic, because it's pure conjecture either way you look at it. Maybe people drink so much microbrew here because they are depressed. Maybe all that alcohol (depressant) consumption is counteracting their medication? Maybe that's why amphetamine abuse is such a problem here. Maybe indie rock stars stay for the abundant supply of marijuana, meth, and liberal sex bars.

    I think our situation is basically the same as every city's. It's a great place for the Haves, a mecca for the Have Mores (as Bush likes to call them), and a rather miserable place for the Have Nots.

  • Ted (unverified)
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    ...But the guy who wrote that article probably loves Portland. You guys are blowing it. The first rule of how great Oregon is is that we don't talk about how great Oregon is! ...Especially when you're talking to people abroad. If you don't know that rule, you're not an Oregonian at heart.

  • trishka (unverified)
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    i had the same reaction as carla. this is great news! especially if the majority of "business week" readers are republicans. don't move here! it rains all the time. and the slugs are as big as bananas and have been known to carry off small children.

  • BetterNSeattle,SF,LA,SanDiego... (unverified)
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    a friendly city, but not in the openly hostile East Coast manner, the dismissive shallow SoCal manner

    That is so true. I've always said that the diff is that if you had a flat in the rain and were stranded by the side of the road, a Southerner would pull up and (remaining in the car) express regret for your situation, perhaps offering to call help for you. A New Englander, will stop, get out and proceed to tell you in graphic detail for 15 minutes what an idiot you are, as they change the tire for you, lending you their equipment.

  • Dustin (unverified)
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    yes portland is very depressing and unhappy so stay clear and move to seattle or somewhere in cali instead. listen to business week and don't come here/

  • joel dan walls (unverified)
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    mp97303 and alcatross,

    Try turning in a paper in Freshman Composition using "must of". When the teacher draws a big red circle around it, you can then call your favorite right-wing talking head and complain about your liberal elitist Hollywood vegan anarcho-lesbian writing instructor.

  • joel dan walls (unverified)
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    That is so true. I've always said that the diff is that if you had a flat in the rain and were stranded by the side of the road, a Southerner would pull up and (remaining in the car) express regret for your situation, perhaps offering to call help for you. A New Englander, will stop, get out and proceed to tell you in graphic detail for 15 minutes what an idiot you are, as they change the tire for you, lending you their equipment.

    I'm reminded of the John Callahan cartoon about the difference between NY and LA. In short, the New Yorker says "fuck you" but means "have a nice day"; the Angeleno says "have a nice day" but means "fuck you" :-)

  • mp97303 (unverified)
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    Joel

    You must of been dropped on your head as a baby.

  • Jack (unverified)
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    Portland is arrogant for some unknown reason. Alot of rich retired folks that are not in touch with reality. The liberal agenda also allows sexual perverts to get a foothold in local politics. They are always depressed because they are so confused with themselves. Take a look at the Mayor, what a joke.

  • Zarathustra (unverified)
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    Posted by: Jack | Mar 5, 2009 5:44:45 AM

    Portland is arrogant for some unknown reason.

    "Portland is the white trash capitol of the world". - unknown midwestern tourist. Or was that Tonya Harding?

    I noticed, Kari. It was funny.

  • Zarathustra (unverified)
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    Posted by: mp97303 | Mar 4, 2009 7:14:11 PM

    Joel

    You must of been dropped on your head as a baby.

    Stepped in it, mp. I was dropped on my head as a baby, so you have to give me a bye in the future.

  • Miriam (unverified)
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    This add is pure BS.........I am a very happy Portlander and this article definately made unhappy.......does that count to the statistics or should I just get antidepressants???

  • Chris (unverified)
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    This article has created such a big argument between me and my husband that now we are going to get a divorce...

  • g4sp (unverified)
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    Yep, Portland sucks. PLEASE stop moving here, and all you whiners can move out, too. I hear LA is just beautiful this time of year . . .

  • Frenridge (unverified)
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    OhforGodsakes, people. Who gives a rat's ass?

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  • Emily (unverified)
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    I'm currently living in San Antonio for school and I cannot wait to get back to Portland. Last weekend there was a very believable rumor around San Antonio. Everyone was warned about the local gangs and how it was initiation weekend. Supposedly, each new gang member had to shoot three random people. Luckily it was a hoax but almost everyone on campus had their doubts about it being fake. I'm really supposed to believe that Portland is the most unhappy city?

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