I Vant to be Rich

Leigh Anne Jasheway-Bryant

When I headed off for college in 1975, I had three major goals: 1) to get far away from my crazy family, 2) to get the proper education so that one day I could become Secretary of the Interior, and 3) to get far far away from my crazy family. Nowhere in my life plan did I clearly identify "make wads of money" as a goal (as is obvious from the state of my bank account these days).

Contrast my experience with the results of two recent polls. One survey of UCLA freshmen reported that nearly three-fourths of those surveyed said it was essential or very important to be "very well off financially." Only 42% of college students felt that way in 1966. The second poll, from the Pew Resarch Center found that about 80% of 18-25 year olds say getting rich is a top life goal for their generation. Right after, I'm assuming, getting their hearing back from all those years of listening to their MP3 players played way too loudly.

Needless to say, I didn't achieve my goal of becoming Secretary of the Interior, although I can say I'm probably a better steward of the environment than the "Oh, let's cut down that tree 'cuz it's casting a shadow on our parking lot" bozos who've occupied the office for the past six years. Not to mention, there's still time. If Al Franken can consider running for Senate in 2008, why not a local comedy writer with a green thumb and a history of never having used pesticides as Secretary of the Interior? There have been worse. Fortunately or un, what we think we want in college very rarely turns out to be waht we really want when we leave the sheltered world of academia for the surreal world of "I spent four years in a dorm for this?" If that were true, a lot of my generation would be professional Frisbee players now.

Not that having money isn't a good thing. As a member of the shrinking middle class, I can't say there aren't times when I've contemplated my pre-law to secretary/receptionist to health educator to comedy writer/speaker career transition and wondered whether mistakes have been made. Especially on days when I pay both my mortgage and my health insurance premiums. And yes, there are times when the lottery gets high enough that I will buy a ticket. Which I usually lose right away somewhere in the bottom of my purse.

I was raised to be leery of people with lots of money. And seeing the way Donald Trump behaves -- not to mention the way he wears his hair -- hasn't disuaded me of that opinion. So, to have "becoming wealthy" as a top priority just stumps me.

Perhaps as the older, wiser, more forgetful generation, those of us over forty could come up with a way that college students can combine their life's ambition of making money with things that really matter. Instead of moronic television shows like The Apprentice, why not a reality show where a dozen of the brightest minds in American universities work together to earn a pot of money for coming up with ideas for solving global warming or world hunger? What if we replaced game shows where you can guess how much is in a briefcase for a shot at $1 million, with one where the contestants can win $1 million for figuring out which combination of vaccines will wipe out Alzheimers or stroke. Instead of Wheel of Fortune, Wheel of Misfortune, where all the contestants are living in FEMA trailers and could really use that $7313 third place prize?

Let's make making money and doing good something that aren't diametrically opposed. Pay teachers $250,000 a year if they're good at their jobs and oil companies CEOs minimum wage if they're not. Let medical researchers who are trying to solve important health issues (and no, impotence and hair loss would not be included, they've had enough attention for awhile) sign five-year multimillion dollar contracts while basketball players have to write grants to stay in the game. And of course, humor writers should get their health insurance paid for. After all, at least we're not out there cutting down trees.

By Leigh Anne Jasheway-Bryant Jan. 27, 2007