Michele Bachmann loves you, Eugene.

Carla Axtman

Update: SATIRE ALERT: I was snookered by this satire. I guess the best stuff is the kind that has the ring of truth, right?

Poor Michele Bachmann.

Her state is poised to pass marriage equality soon and well, Michele is angsty.

The Daily Currant:

In an interview with a local television station, the conservative firebrand said she believes God will destroy Minneapolis once the legislation is enacted, and wants to be far away when the reckoning happens.

"The Bible is very clear on this issue," she told KSTP-TV this morning, "Homosexuality is a sin, and God will punish communities that support it.

"Sodom and Gomorrah thought they could defy the will of God - and we all know what happened to them. If the governor signs this legislation into law the Minneapolis-St. Paul region will be next.

"I have a friend from Eden Prairie who's already packed everything she owns into her car and is driving out to Montana as we speak. These are very scary times. I don't want my family to be the last ones out."

Congratulations to Montana for getting the Eden Prairie friend, whomever that may be. But Bachmann is saving herself for Eugene:

"It breaks my heart to think that the Democrats are willing to play politics with the lives of so many Minnesotans. And I hate to leave so many of my constituents behind, but I urge them - please, please - follow my example and get your loved ones to safety before it's too late."

In a subsequent interview with The Daily Currant Bachmann says she's not sure where she'll go if she leaves, but is seriously considering Oregon as a possibility since its constitution bans same sex marriage.

"I've heard wonderful things about Eugene," she says, "and I think congressman DeFazio may be vulnerable to a challenge. They're the nicest people in the world out there, I'm sure we'd be welcomed with open arms."

What say you, Eugene? What sort of welcome shall we create for Ms. Bachmann upon her arrival to this part of the US?

(And OH MY GOD I am begging for a match with DeFazio. This blog would become exponentially more entertaining under those circumstances).

By Carla Axtman May 13, 2013